I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
