watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You're like the curious george of whores
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
