Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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