so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
