How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
