Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
