It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
