Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
