I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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