my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
