I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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