I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
