Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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