Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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