i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
