Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
