Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize