Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
