if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
