Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
