I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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