It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
