I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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