you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
