At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
