he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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