I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
