theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
