I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Houston, we have a blender
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I did not marry a roomba.
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