Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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