do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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