Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I want to fling myself into the sun
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
