Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
