If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
