A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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