thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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