if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I won't apologize to a one balled man
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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