Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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