Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
