You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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