Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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