a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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