he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
