There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
