Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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