Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
