just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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