I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
