Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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