the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
