but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I want a musical about memes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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