and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
