My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize