What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
