They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
