What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
