We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
