he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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