goodnight i made you a song goodbye
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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