i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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